To think life is just way too complicated right now. I have to pay for my mistakes and then a million dollars more. It’s like I’ll always be in debt because I was always fucking up. Now as an adult I have to pay for childish fucking mistakes.
I’ve kept it together these past weeks and for some reason I can’t find a minute to just breath.
I can’t control my emotions again. I can’t think about anything else anymore. I’m just becoming a mess like before.
A part of me thinks that all if this will be resolved when it’s over and some part of me thinks the worst is only to come after.
I wish I would have done things different. And now my only option is this.
maybe its not worth trying. i mean i tried to talk to him today and he tells me he doesnt feel like talking. fuck it then…we just need complete space from each other. it might be hard…but i guess it has to happen. it would probably be the best for us.
or maybe it we just shouldn’t try at all…maybe this should just be it. maybe we should both just say fuck it…maybe we just cant try anymore…maybe there is no point. who knoooows man.
this shit is just complicated and maybe we just dont need this.
More and more as I lay here…I realize that he didn’t care at all. I really thought he was it. but I guess I was wrong. Now I have to carry around this daily reminder of wat we didn’t really have…love. I guess I just stayed too long. I was tired of it a much a he was…
I’m tired. So fucking tired. Maybe the decisions I have made in my life led up to this…I always said karma was out to get me since I was the worst in my teen years.
I guess i’m paying.
Ugh…it just sucks…everything I’ve done for him…for nothing. We had//have nothing. To think he was really the one was so stupid…and to put so much effort into him…stupid. And to try and be prefect for him…stupid.
I’m hurt that i’m left with a reminder. And I lowkey wish I woulda made a different decision…but now I have to go about it.
Man…fuck the relationship. “it” is wat kills me everyday. Knowing that I have to do that…really soon…just makes me say fuck everything else. A part of me really is willing to accept the challenge…by myself too. Because I kno I wasn’t expecting shit from him. I just wish that he could feel this…feel these emotions.
I’m scared. hurt. Angry. Depressed. Idk…I’m just fucked with emotions right now. And no one understands.
..I really wish I could go ti sleep…but I can’t. My stomach feels weird like last night and it’s keeping me awake.
Let me just make it clear…while me and him were together he was taking to his ex. Dirty ass conversations. Telling her how beautiful she was and how it’s do hard for him to find a girl because she was just so amazing. He also had no problem sending her a picture of some girls boobs…thinking they were hers because he has such a vivid memory of her. I’m sure he still loves her and I wouldn’t doubt it if he ran to her…right now haha
So it’s my fault for trynna find something better??…he pushed me. He made me feel like shit…and it’s my fault for wanting someone that would treat me better??…my baddd.
But after that I dont think I want a boy…i’m gunna have fun while i’m young. Obviously a committed relationship wasn’t the right thing for either of us. Oh well…you some you lose some.
Now he is free to be with her…which i’m sure he can’t wait for. ((;
And now I can be with someone that will actually give me some fucking donuts and milk. Hell yah! ((: haha
I can’t wait for that…it’s been too long. I think i’m more excited about that than anything. Haha
I hate to think that the link I gave my boyfriend was probably being used…but I guess I have to expect it when hes in love with someone else. Shit happens. I’m still mad. Since I think his story was bullshit.
Ehh…no need to continue that…
My delusional boyfriend thinks he is more loyal than me. Unfortunately, he cussed me out while saying that…so obviously someone needs to kno that they are absolutely ridiculous and got me more angry waking me up then cussing me out.